Friday, January 23, 2015

Life and Death

Life is sweet, life is unpredictable, life is short.
We rush; rush to grow up, rush to fall in love, rush to have kids, rush from here to there. We rush through life, oh short sweet life. Why? Why don't we slow down and enjoy each second of our life. We never know when it will be our last moment with those we love. Slow down, stop rushing!

No life is more important then another, no life is more precious then someone else's. I know (through a mutual friend) a little amazing boy. He lived a very short but very powerful life. He came into this world and lived 10 short days. He may have never spoken a word but his little life spoke volumes. It taught many about life, Gods will, strength and love. Thank you to his family for sharing him with so many.
The summer between 6th and 7th grade a boy I loved died in a four wheel accident. He was a child of God, I couldn't understand why he was taken at such a young age. I can't answer that question but I can say he was an old soul. He loved with every ounce of his being, he loved to play bingo with his grandma, card games with his grandpa, he would climb in his sisters playpen and play with her. He was giving and full of life every second of his short time here.
My grandparents where my rock, I was my poppy's little princess and my mommers thorn in her side. They both where taken from me very early on in my life. I miss them every day, pray they are proud of the women I have become and angry that they weren't body present at the big milestones in my life.
Many students I went to school with died in horrific car accidents, overdoses and suicide.
None of these lives are more precious then the other, there death aren't anymore dignified, no death is more acceptable then the other. Each one is truly tragic and heart wrenching, each one brings many questions to the surface, each one leaves us with tears rolling down our face, each one leaves the family paralyzed with sadness, pain, and loss.

As I write this I have tears rolling down my face as I remember each of these amazing lives and tragic deaths. As I write this I am left with another death, one I don't understand, one I can't comprehend. One again happened and I wish it was just an awful nightmare and that I will wake up and see him standing there with his big goofy smile.

I will tell you this 26year old young man was a joy, he was full of life, possibility, talent and love. Yes he had his struggles and demons; He was an addict. This doesn't make him any less important, this doesn't make his death justified, this doesn't make the pain disappear. He had been 2 years off heroin, the devils drug. Something happened and the devil got his hands on him again. He allowed himself to slip. He lost his life to a drug that he hated, that had taken him to hell and back to many times. He left behind his mom and dad, his sister (who was his ultimate best friend) his girl friend and her daughter, not to mention many other family members who loved him and friends who will miss him.
This boy was a friend for 15+ years. Someone I knew from the time he was in 8th grade. A boy I sat and held the hand of while he cried because he didn't want to screw up again, a boy I took a phone away from because he was scared if he held onto it a second longer he would go to those who texted him and called him, those who wanted him to get together and "celebrate" his "release" from rehab with getting high again. Really?!? Those people aren't friends, those are people who are going down and don't want to do it alone. He made a mistake.    (Note I blame no one for this. He made his own decision)  Here are a few sections from one of his poems
Love/Hate Relationship
"...I’ve got to stop living this way
If I want to make it past 30
I’ve got nothing at all left to say
My life gone, one rig that’s dirty
I love you too much to die on you..." 
"...Lying in a casket, up on a shelf
In line to say goodbye and pray
Jails, institutions and death
Is on the road I'm headin"
"...When will I ever learn
That I'm better than this
Its none of your concern
Because it wont be me you’ll miss.."
The hard part is that this became his reality. He didn't make it to 30, he died on us. Now we have to stand in a line and say our goodbyes. He was so much better then this, he didn't deserve a life of addiction.... NO ONE DOES! Yes we will miss YOU. 
I just wish he would have seen this. I wish he would have turned to God in the darkest of times and found the path he had in store for him. Instead of following the devil down this dark road. 
I know that I will see you again, I know we had talked in great detail about a higher being, about God and about life after death. I know we will be reunited at some point. Until then I will never stop loving or thinking about you. 

Each person in this post lived a very specific life, each different, each different in length, each died in a different way. Death from a very rare disease, heart disease, kidney failure, accidents and overdose. Each person made an impact, each person touched lives. Each death brings sadness, questions, pain and numbness. No life is better then another and No death is more tragic, or justified then another. 

I don't know why these lives have come to an end so early. I don't know why these people died in the way they did. All I know is that God has a plan for us, we just have to choose to get on for the ride. 

Addiction is a very serious thing. It is nothing to shrug your shoulders at, or turn your back on. We need to fight back. If you know someone who is battling an addiction please talk to them, get them help and support them. If you are battling addiction, it is not to late. Tell someone and seek help. 

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Dang what happened?!

Wow it has been a REALLY long time since I last posted to my blog. What happened?!  I will tell you what happened, homeschool. I literally feel off the face go the earth when we started with homeschool.  I am pretty sure my life got sucked up in a whirl of school. So many things changed with the program that I was juggling all the changes, normal school, bible study, girl scouts, dance and violin that everything else got put aside.

Well I am back and I am here to stay. I need to use this blog to vent, share, laugh and cry. It is a great way for me to reach out and be myself. I hope you are here to stay as well.

So lets catch up. Homeschooling has been insane and my husband and I have decided to pull our daughter from PAVCS do to the unstableness of their education. So I am working on building the curriculum I need to get her started in her education. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who support us in this big decision. Right now I am spending a lot of time reading, doing research and pull materials. I will keep you all updated on that.

J is rocking it in dance and violin. She is blowing her teacher away with her violin. I love watching her face light up now that she is using the bow. Her dancing is just a fun thing that she likes to do. I love watching her enjoy it so much. She has also started Daisy Scouts. I am her Troop Co-Leader with a dear friend of mine. It is so fun to see bounds being formed and friendships growing. I am so proud of my little girl and how much she she has grown since August.

A is doing well in school, although he says he doesn't like school. He is adjusting to our homeschool routine and loves to do school work with us. It is fun to watch them both learn side by side.

I can't really come up with anything else to write about right now. So I will get off here and enjoy my evening with my family. Thanks for reading and God bless!

Till Next Time